Esoteric Wisdom

Is Your Marriage Predestined? – The Spiritual Relationships Between Husband and Wife

“Marriages are made in heaven, but celebrated on Earth. Unity of two unknown souls, written right from birth.”

There are over 7 billion people in the world, and you do not encounter someone by chance, but given the right conditions, the right time, and the right level of character development, you are meant to meet someone who will test you, teach you a lesson, or bring you a gift.

No one on this planet would choose to marry someone just to be later disappointed by divorce. Yet there are many things that we do not choose in this life. For example: our gender, parents, location of birth, race, skin color, time we were born, appearance, etc.

So, is your marriage predestined before birth? Do you actually have the choice to choose your life partner?

Let’s first start with a real-life story…

A Story of an Alcoholic Husband and a Devoted Wife

There was a marriage between an alcoholic husband and a devoted wife. At the first stage of their marriage, everything was beautiful, rosy, and romantic. Yet, after the birth of the first child, the husband started to mistreat his wife.

He beat, abused, humiliated, and did all kinds of things to disgrace her, particularly while he was drunk and intoxicated. The wife was still responsible and devoted to her husband despite all things he did to her.

There were many legal battles involved in their marital life: They had to go to court numerous times; the police had to intervene in their family affairs; the divorce procedure was delayed and complicated, etc.

Eventually, their marriage ended in divorce, and the wife had to raise the child by herself, because the husband was judged to be incapable of raising the kid due to his alcoholic problems. The wife had a low income and no friends, knowing no English and living in Canada.

So, is this marriage predestined?

At first, you would think that it would be unfair for the wife. She was very graceful and devoted to her husband. How come it would be fair if her husband treated her like that?

The law of the universe indicates everything happens for a reason. If you want to judge this situation accordingly, you have to take a look at the lifespan of the person in all his or her incarnations.

For example, in a previous life, this same couple was married to each other. However, after having the first child, the wife decided to divorce her husband to marry another wealthy man in the town. The husband was left devastated and depressed. He had no way to escape his loss, grief, and sorrow except by drinking and indulging in alcohol.

Therefore, in this lifetime, the wife has to pay off her karmic debts to her husband, and the marriage was prearranged before her birth as a tool to pay off the debts by the laws of the universe.

Let’s say you owe someone 1 million dollars and want to run away debt-free, isn’t that beautiful?

The law of the universe indicates “no loss, no gain“. You will not gain something which is not yours, and you will not lose something which is not yours either. If you take something that belongs to someone else or that is not rightly earned, you will have to pay it back. If you don’t want to pay, you will be forced to pay.

The Karmic Relationships Between Husband and Wife

As the saying goes, “It takes a hundred years of cultivation to bring two persons to cross a river in the same boat; it takes a thousand years of cultivation to bring two persons (husband and wife) to share the same bed and pillow.”

This saying means that people who are in the same boat together are already considered to have the same karmic destiny, such as friends, brothers, sisters, or business partners. For marriage, isn’t it more so that your relationship is karmic and predestined by nature?

Let’s understand this question more deeply: If your marriage is predestined in a previous life, who determined it? Or who is truly the master of your life?

Here is the answer: your life is determined by you, by your actions, or by your own karma. Karma simply means your life is your own creation, and what you did and do now will sow the seeds for your future fruits.

If you take a closer look at your life, where you are right now is made up of all your previous choices, isn’t it so?

This destiny was created by you, because you are the Creator of your own life, the one who has made all the decisions. Chance simply means you’re not aware of the root cause of your problems, which may have originated in a past life.

This is the real reason why some people are rich and others poor, why some have happy relationships while others are depressed and hopeless. The universe is fair. It doesn’t matter if sciences change, faiths change, or religions change, the Law of Cause and Effect does not change.

Hence, your marriage was predestined by you, and due to all of the previous choices that you have made in past relationships/marriages, they will have some effects on your future relationships/marriages. These karma are accumulated across many lifetimes, created based on your deeds, thoughts, feelings, intentions, etc.

It’s like you can’t run away debt-free if you already borrowed someone 1 million dollars and did not pay it back. No, it doesn’t work like that!

If you mistreated someone in a previous life, you will be mistreated in this life in the same manner, unless you repent and do good deeds to balance out your karmic debts. What goes around comes around.

Usually, the fate of your marriage is decided based on two kinds of karma:

  • Karma of Love
  • Karma of Resentment (Karmic Debts)

Let’s take a closer look at these two.

Karma of Love

The Karma of Love indicates the concept of “repaying gratitude” as a cause for marriage between two people. This happens when two people marry because one person has helped or saved the other in a past life.

The receiver of this grace was so touched and grateful that they wished to repay the favor, even if it required being reborn as a pet for the other person in a future life. In other words, their marriage is prearranged by the karma of deep gratitude from their past encounter.

This is considered one of the most satisfactory karma for marriage because one partner has a strong dedication and respect toward the other. However, this fate of marriage only has a higher possibility of resulting in happiness and bliss, because it is not guaranteed that their personality will match or their connection be free from conflicts and quarrels.

Alternatively, marriage could happen because you and your spouse have had a really good relationship with each other across many previous lifetimes, and you vowed to marry again and again.

This forms a special bond between you and your spouse, and this is why people in the past call it the “vow of marriage” because your marriage is sacred. It’s not about satisfying your sexual desires but about a “till death do we part” relationship. This kind of marriage karma can lead to the best marriage of all, which explains why you often seek “the one you once loved” in this current life.

Karma of Resentment (Karmic Debts)

The Karma of Resentment or karmic debts between the husband and wife often happens when one person is in debt to another in previous lifetimes, usually caused by mistreatments and ill intentions. Therefore, in this lifetime, marriage was prearranged as a way to settle the debts between these two people.

This is exactly the case when I talked about the story of an alcoholic husband and a devoted wife. The wife did something wrong to her husband in a past life, so these debts have to be settled and balanced, even though it looks unfair to the wife in this present life according to our human thinking.

In our society’s conditions today, there are typically two types of karmic debts that can lead to marriage between two people who were connected in a past life.

  • Debts of love – In a past life, a man might have managed to love a woman just to satisfy his sexual desires, then abandoned her after getting what he wanted. The woman would have felt emotionally cheated. In the present life, these same two souls may be married because the man owed the woman. This is called the “debts of love”, but it doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage in the end. If the man continued to mistreat the woman in this case, it would incur much more suffering for him in the future.
  • Debts of money – In a past life, a man might have spent a lot of money dating a woman who did not reciprocate his feelings and only wanted material things from him. After benefiting from his money, she left him. In the present life, these same souls may be married. The women may be either rich or poor, but in any case, the man may end up spending or taking most of the woman’s money. This “debt of money” is being repaid.

Is Your Marriage Predestined by Fate?

After all, is your marriage predestined by fate or destiny?

In most cases, yes, your marriage is predestined by fate based on the relationships, deeds, intentions, karma, and virtues that you have had in your current and previous lifetimes.

But who controls your fate? It’s you!

The universe is created by you. Without you, is there a universe? Are you aware of what truly happens within your mind and body?

Y.O.U means Your Own Universe. You are the master of your life, the captain of your ship, and the sailer of your sea.

As I said above, the karmic debts between spouses must be balanced and settled. You can’t deny this destiny, because you can’t deny that you borrowed someone 1 million dollars and ran away saying you’re debt-free!

Only you have the power to change your future, because the only way to change your fate is to change yourself.

You may be predestined to meet someone to pay off your debts, but it would be unwise to blame them for your own wrongdoings. Instead, it’s wise to thank them for helping you pay off these debts so that you can move on peacefully in the future.

The truth is that we all have to suffer. You just have to choose the right person worth suffering for. And if you’re single, it’s not that you haven’t met the best half of your life, it’s that you haven’t become a better version of yourself.

Suffering is just the means for you to pay off your karmic debts. And if you were a victim, you should forgive your partner and move on, because if you mistreat them to retribute what they did to you, the cycle of karma will keep continuing. Your “bond” will become a “bondage” lifetime after lifetime if you don’t learn to forgive.

Bonus: A Story about Why You May Face Bad Lucks in Relationships

There was a young couple who was already engaged and wanted to proceed to the official wedding. The man was Bob and the woman was Lucy. However, on the wedding day, Bob left Lucy to marry another woman. As a result, Lucy was devastated and wanted to commit suicide.

A monk walked by and saw that Lucy was about to kill herself. He approached Lucy with a mirror, telling Lucy to look inside it. Upon looking inside the mirror, Lucy was transported to a coastline where she saw a dead man lying naked on the seashore.

She then saw a woman walked by the corpse, shaking her head, and left without hesitation. After that, she saw another woman, but this woman was kinder, so she took off her jacket to put on top of the man. Finally, she saw another woman approaching the corpse, who, at this time, was feeling compassionate for the man, so she dug a grave for the man and carefully put his body there. 

The monk then warmly explained to Lucy that the dead man lying on the seashore was Bob. The second woman who approached him and put her jacket on top of his body was Lucy in a past life.

Hence, in this lifetime, Bob wanted to be Lucy’s lover to return her kindness thanks to what she did to him. He was genuinely grateful and thankful for what Lucy did. Yet the person whom Bob really wanted to devote his whole life to was the third woman who dug the grave for him, who was the true bride of Bob.

After hearing this story, Lucy realized the karmic relationship between Lucy and Bob. She learned to let go and did not have any ill feelings toward Bob. When the debt was paid and the kindness returned, Bob had to move on to marry his true life partner who was destined for him.